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Don't judge

What we usually mean by 'not judging': not expressing a negative opinion about a person.
What we should mean by 'not judging': not opposing what should be to what is.

The hidden motivations behind the injunction not to express a negative opinion concerning a person

At first glance, 'Don't judge others' may seem like a sign of tolerance, and is generally claimed as such.
Except that when we look more closely, the motivations which lead to promoting the freedom of each person to think what they want, and act as they wish, are generally:

To better explain this concealment of real intentions, let us recall that there are two major strategies of deadly alliances, which are two sides of the same coin:

In both cases, it was enough to place a belief, or a rule (not to judge), above the facts, to be able to judge on an arbitrary basis (a belief or a rule).

The injunction 'not to judge' therefore appears to us above all to be a fundamentalism of the well-off; to the slogan 'it is forbidden to prohibit' from 1968, we could very well oppose 'do not judge on the basis of not judging'.
The demand for tolerance ultimately turns out to be what differentiates the wealthy from the elites whose action consists mainly of defending their privileges.

However, when judging, it is appropriate to choose the criteria carefully:

The motivations hidden behind the judgments of what is not acceptable

Shouting loudly that such is absolutely unacceptable, and possibly strengthen this position by a criticism of judicial laxity with respect to this, is often just a way of resolving your own cognitive dissonance. More specifically, this cognitive dissonance is between, on the one hand, the multiple revolting things towards which we do nothing, as well as the many small arrangements that we make to improve our social position via the game of alliances, and on the other the image of a globally moral person that we want to keep ourselves. Choosing a subject and gesticulating loudly allows on the one hand to hide all the subjects on which one does not dare to intervene (see the question 'What is an adult?'), and on the other hand to hide all the subjects for which the attitude that one adopts is difficult to defend from the point of view of morality (in the sense of common interest).

In such a configuration of life, alas frequent, one tends to carry out a separation between on one side which is less moral than oneself, which one describes as unacceptable, and on the other which is more moral than oneself, which one describes as idealistic or extreme. This is where paradoxically, we often reach the camp of 'not to judge others' on almost all subjects except that (or some) against which (which) we chose to ostensibly in the countryside.

Do not oppose what should be to what is

As soon as we interpose 'what should be' between ourselves and what is, we absolve ourselves of responsibility.

Remember that adopting the right attitude means applying Epictetus' recommendation: when faced with a problem, separate what depends on you from what does not depend on you. Fight with all your strength, your determination, and your intelligence on the part that depends on you, and not worry about the part that does not depend on you. However, as soon as we have interposed 'what should be' between ourselves and what is, we consider that the gap between what is and what should be does not depend on ourselves.

Here is an example of interposing what should be: “People should be less materialistic.” Once this judgment has been made, we exempt ourselves from the need to fight against inequalities, and first of all to put our own resources at the service of those most in need.

To be constructive, 'not judging' must therefore be understood in the form: not interposing 'what should be' between oneself and the observed reality.

Stoic morality can be summarized in the form: we do not choose our fate, we choose how we face it. However, Epictetus' formulation remains more educational.

Go deeper

View the questions:
The myth of listening and good atmosphere
What is Buddhist nonduality?
What do you have to do to be a good person?
What is an adult?

The article linked below describes and denounces, without formulating the concept, the alliance strategy in so-called tolerant mode:

↣ From eco-responsible, I went to unfrequented

The principle “observe and not judge” at the basis of Montessori education corresponds to the same concern to restore the preponderance of facts, to limit the reference to what should be.

What we have described here is an observation at the base of Rational-Emotive Psychotherapy Behavior Therapy (REBT) developed by Albert Ellis:
"Ellis’s philosophy contains elements of constructivism. Specifically, Ellis Santéd that all humans Create Ideas of How the World is or ouught to be. »»