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The myth of listening and good atmosphere

To the question 'What are the conditions to produce a serious reasoning?', we explained the four phases of problem solving, that is to say, of making a serious decision:
1. Notice the problem.
2. Conduct a serious analysis.
3. Develop a solution, often partial.
4. Implement it.

Here is how to make arbitrary decisions, saving yourself all the cognitive effort of the analysis phase, while appearing to be a pleasant and considerate person:
1. Ask the other person to describe the situation, show interest in their description, ask questions, but above all aim to create a good atmosphere, so do not point out potential inconsistencies, approximations, beliefs, etc.
2. Simply state, without any justification, the solution you have already chosen.

The idea is the following: empathetic listening creates in the other person a feeling of goodwill, even if it leads to a hasty and poorly thought-out decision.

When presenting the chosen solution, various techniques can also be used to mask the final resort to an authoritarian approach:
We will go... even though it is the other person who will actually go.
I suggest you... and as if you make a mistake, I will let you know you didn't listen to me, rather than supporting you, in practice, I will put pressure on you.
I would like to, but the rule is... I will brutally apply the conventional solution, without even having made the effort to assess its suitability for the current case, or taken the risk of opposing the absurd or the unjust.
...

Empathetic listening elevated as a life strategy

Empathetic listening is so effective that it becomes the dominant mode of relating to others for some individuals. When they meet us, they ask about our well-being, show interest, and let us talk, while talking very little themselves. They simply accumulate trust capital, which they will use when necessary.
This way of approaching others is also very effective for playing the game of alliances, due to the sympathy capital it creates.

What is useful listening?

Useful and truly well-meaning listening is a review of the other person's reasoning at the moment they are trying to solve a problem. This type of listening aims to highlight inconsistencies, gaps in their reasoning, and to suggest new lines of thinking. It is simply offering the other person your own cognitive abilities and experience.

Becoming addicted to good atmosphere

Solving problems requires temporarily stepping out of one's mental comfort zone and 'looking for problems' in the literal sense. The associated exchange is therefore inherently uncomfortable.
If we do not accept this discomfort, and insist on a good atmosphere as a prerequisite and a necessary condition for a satisfactory exchange, then we do not solve the problems, which accumulate and make us increasingly stressed, therefore increasingly dependent on a good atmosphere to compensate for this stress, and therefore less and less effective at solving actual problems, which continue to accumulate. This is a vicious circle.
A constructive good atmosphere is more like: it was hard, we worked well, now let's enjoy. See the section 'Alternative Recommendations' to the question 'How to succeed in life?'.

Go deeper

See the associated question 'In what ways are kindness and tolerance traps?'.

Regarding motivations, see the next question 'Do not judge'.
Regarding technique, see the question 'What conditions must be met to produce a serious reasoning? Problem solving.' which describes the methodological framework for the mental process of problem solving in which useful listening should be practiced.
See also chapter 9 'The journal of problems' in the book From capital to reason which describes a social framework aimed at promoting the practical application of this problem-solving process.
Ultimately, although informal exchange remains the most pleasant due to its fluidity, it is also the most difficult to implement and most prone to derailment, so it is preferable to return to a structured exchange, both methodologically and socially, whenever it is noticed that satisfactory progress is not being made in solving the problems.