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What is an adult?

Je propose ici un découpage en stades de développement, comme cela peut se faire en psychologie du développement.

Child

Learn social rules.

Teenager

Learn and practice the alliance game without parental support.

Adult

Able to confront the group when it denies the facts.

The adult stage involves accepting the consequence, namely possible exclusion from the group. We therefore only become adults around the age of 30, because at 20, the normal main goal is to integrate into society.

Let us also note that the majority of individuals will never reach the adult stage. I quote a clairvoyant nephew: “We are eternal children, some hide it better / more than others”

Why is it extremely difficult to fully become an adult?

Because we have to confront social groups, and there is a heavy price to pay for this, which is very often the exclusion of these groups, and this harms, sometimes seriously, our social position.

It is therefore a little less difficult to become a fully adult, if:
1. we received an education which values u200bu200bmoral position more than social success, and above all which values u200bu200bsincerity more than posture.
2. we are part of a privileged environment in which survival is not the main concern.

Although... Let's take for example the document Buddhism, the law of silence by Elodie Emery and Windrille Lanos, broadcast by Arte, and probably available on YouTube. It explains how the Dalai Lama and Mathieu Ricard, two emblematic figures of Buddhism, relinquished, each in their own way, their moral duty to explicitly oppose members of their community who were both providers of funds and engaged in to sexual abuse and more generally mistreatment. This document illustrates the great difficulty of becoming fully adult, and indirectly the limits of the meditation technique, since these two people, considered highly moral, and experts in meditation, have not yet acquired fully adult behavior in the sense where we define it here: it is indeed the courage to oppose the group, and to suffer the consequences in terms of social position, which they lacked.

Prenons un second exemple. Relativement peu de femmes (comparativement aux hommes) ont une attitude directement délétère sur leurs enfants. Pourtant, un nombre plus important d'entre elles auront une attitude indirectement délétère par leur incapacité à s'opposer à leur conjoint. Elles privilégieront en effet la protection du lien conjugal au détriment de leurs enfants. Dans ce second exemple, le groupe social est la cellule familiale (patriarcale). Saluons au passage les nombreuses associations, et personnes anonymes, qui oeuvrent à aider ces femmes à s'émanciper. Pour une explication plus précise de ce mécanisme, se reporter à la question 'En finir avec le recours abusif aux psychotropes et psychothérapies'.

Why is it important to fully become an adult?

When we do not become fully adults, cognitive dissonance gradually leads us to lie to ourselves, to preserve our good self-image. After the age of 40 or 50, we are often more than a beautiful facade which hides a miserable background, which the slightest crisis in life will reveal. The facade then becomes the only thing left to us, which we defend tooth and nail through permanent lying discourse, and artifices such as the ostensible display of our success. The more intelligent we are, the more elaborate the facade will be, and will effectively deceive the naive.

Link with the ability to conduct serious reasoning and make decisions consistent with the general interest

When we do not become fully adults, we become incapable of serious reasoning and making decisions consistent with the general interest, not only out of conscious self-interest, but because we become locked in our own lies to ourselves. .

Summary and objective

Becoming a fully adult is the only way to age well, to feel good in life without the need for permanent distractions (consumption, organized trips, honors, power, etc.) to hide one's own misery, but it is an extremely demanding path , with a significant price to pay in terms of social success, unless you receive abnormally favorable conditions in life.

Cela conduit beaucoup de gens à prétendre qu'ils ont reçu ces conditions anormalement favorables, pour ne pas avoir à regarder les compromissions dans lesquelles ils sont entrés, que la dissonance cognitive leur a progressivement permis de se cacher au moyen du mensonge à soi même. Leur principal objectif, pour assurer leur propre sécurité, devient alors que ces mensonges soient partagés par leurs proches.
Let us also not forget all those who have shamelessly played the game of alliances, and lost, often claim that they lost... because of moral scruples.

One of the main objectives of this site, and of the association that will be born, is to connect people who are making the demanding choice to become fully adults, because it is easier to overcome an ordeal when you are surrounded by people who do the same. Conversely, digital social networks are the realm of facade.

Go deeper

View question 'Tell me how you make decisions, I'll tell you who you are' to understand the notion of a mature individual that we propose there, which corresponds more to a capacity not to put up resistance in the face of facts, that is to say renouncing lies as a tool for social progression.
We also find this other dimension of maturity at the level of questions.What do you have to do to be a good person?' And 'Why do you need to control your ego?'. Cependant, comme nous le montrons dans le traitement de la question 'Que faut-il faire pour être quelqu'un de bien ?', ne pas s'opposer aux faits suppose, à cause de l'effet redoutable de la dissonance cognitive, de devinir aussi capable de s'opposer au groupe, c'est à dire être adulte au sens de la présente question.
Enfin, la technique de contournement habituelle, utilisée pour s'éviter d'avoir à se comporter pleinement en adulte, est présentée à la question 'Ne pas juger'.

 

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