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What is an adult?

Here I offer a division into stages of development, as can be done in development psychology.

The adult stage involves accepting the consequence, namely possible exclusion from the group. We therefore only become adults around the age of 30, because at 20, the normal main goal is to integrate into society.

Let us also note that the majority of individuals will never reach the adult stage. I quote a clairvoyant nephew: “We are eternal children, some hide it better / more than others”

Why is it extremely difficult to fully become an adult?

Because we have to confront social groups, and there is a heavy price to pay for this, which is very often the exclusion of these groups, and this harms, sometimes seriously, our social position.

It is therefore a little less difficult to become a fully adult, if:
1. we received an education which values u200bu200bmoral position more than social success, and above all which values u200bu200bsincerity more than posture.
2. we are part of a privileged environment in which survival is not the main concern.

Although... Let's take for example the document Buddhism, the law of silence by Elodie Emery and Windrille Lanos, broadcast by Arte, and probably available on YouTube. He explains how the Dalai Lama and Mathieu Ricard, two emblematic figures of Buddhism, have discarded, each in his own way, from their moral duty to explicitly oppose their community members both providing funds and engaging in sexual abuse and more generally mistreatment. This document illustrates the great difficulty of becoming fully adult, and indirectly the limits of the meditation technique, since these two people, considered highly moral, and experts in meditation, have not acquired fully adult behavior in the sense that we define it here: it is the courage to oppose the group, and to undergo the consequences in terms of social position, which missed.
Thus, the main danger of Buddhism is not so much the risk of no longer experiencing, feeling, as Westerners fear too often faced with the notion of research of wisdom, as the risk of de -release, whose powerful figure of Christ protège mieux les catholiques ... quand elle est incarnée et pas uniquement affichée.

Take a second example. Relatively few women (compared to men) have a directly deleterious attitude about their children. However, a larger number of them will have an indirectly deleterious attitude by their inability to oppose their spouse. They will indeed favor the protection of the marital link to the detriment of their children. In this second example, the social group is the family unit (patriarchal). Let us salute the many associations, and anonymous people, who work to help these women to emancipate themselves. For a more precise explanation of this mechanism, refer to the question 'Following the abusive use of psychotropic drugs and psychotherapies'.

Why is it important to fully become an adult?

When we do not become fully adults, cognitive dissonance gradually leads us to lie to ourselves, to preserve our good self-image. After the age of 40 or 50, we are often more than a beautiful facade which hides a miserable background, which the slightest crisis in life will reveal. The facade then becomes the only thing left to us, which we defend tooth and nail through permanent lying discourse, and artifices such as the ostensible display of our success. The more intelligent we are, the more elaborate the facade will be, and will effectively deceive the naive.

Link with the ability to conduct serious reasoning and make decisions consistent with the general interest

When we do not become fully adults, we become incapable of serious reasoning and making decisions consistent with the general interest, not only out of conscious self-interest, but because we become locked in our own lies to ourselves. .

Summary and objective

Becoming a fully adult is the only way to age well, to feel good in life without the need for permanent distractions (consumption, organized trips, honors, power, etc.) to hide one's own misery, but it is an extremely demanding path , with a significant price to pay in terms of social success, unless you receive abnormally favorable conditions in life.

This leads many people to claim that they have received these abnormally favorable conditions, so as not to have to look at the compromises in which they have entered, that cognitive dissonance gradually allowed them to hide by means of the lie to oneself. Their main objective, to ensure their own security, then becomes May these lies be shared by their loved ones.
Let us also not forget all those who have shamelessly played the game of alliances, and lost, often claim that they lost... because of moral scruples.

One of the main objectives of this site, and of the association that will be born, is to connect people who are making the demanding choice to become fully adults, because it is easier to overcome an ordeal when you are surrounded by people who do the same. Conversely, digital social networks are the realm of facade.

Go deeper

View question 'Tell me how you make decisions, I'll tell you who you are' to understand the notion of a mature individual that we propose there, which corresponds more to a capacity not to put up resistance in the face of facts, that is to say renouncing lies as a tool for social progression.
We also find this other dimension of maturity at the level of questions.What do you have to do to be a good person?' And 'Why do you need to control your ego?'. However, as we show it in the treatment of the question 'What to do to be someone good?', Not to oppose the facts presupposes, because of the formidable effect of cognitive dissonance, to become as capable of opposing the group, that is to say to be adult in the sense of this question.
Finally, the usual bypass technique, used to avoid having to behave fully in adults, is presented to the question 'Not to judge'.

In Delly (popular literature of the first half of the 20th century), for example The Rossignols house Or Magali, the very young heroine is characterized by her ability to oppose injustice and undergo the consequences (to take an adult act). However, in this moral, patriarchal and Catholic literature, this rare characteristic means that a few years later, it will be chosen among all by the prince, while in real life, this is generally not translated into a social elevation, but just possibly in a happier life, because surrounded by more sincere and united people.