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In what ways are kindness and tolerance traps?

The demand for kindness primarily serves to avoid addressing an objection or criticism on substance, in favor of a formal response based on social conventions. In other words, kindness is mainly a tool used by those who base their access to power on cronyism. In practice, its greatest proponents tend to present a beautiful facade while intensely maneuvering behind the scenes.

As for tolerance, it generally serves to justify the continuation of a practice that objective facts demand be reexamined. In this case too, tolerance serves to substitute form for substance, typically by placing an objective fact on equal footing with a belief or opinion.

Finally, note that every time we listen to someone with kindness, the content of their speech imprints itself upon us. Thus, even if we disagree, but choose to listen to the end while remaining open, we pollute our own cognitive-affective system. Over time, our intuitions thus become less relevant and more socially conformist. This makes the second point 'Living in reality' of the question 'How to succeed in life?' more difficult. Stupidity is contagious; one must protect oneself from it.

The only form of kindness that makes sense is: helping the other person produce the best of themselves in life. This presupposes both support (an attitude often equated with kindness) and the absence of complacency (an attitude often equated with the opposite of kindness).

The only form of tolerance that makes sense is: accepting that the other person functions in a way nonconforming to our own social conventions, when the validity of their attitude is not invalidated by objective facts.

Citations

Cynthia Fleury, The End of Courage: 'Adaptation strategies are inevitable and signs of maturity, but they are also, alas, the surest path toward acceptance and legitimization of the unacceptable. The adaptation of some makes room for the abuse of others.'

Deepen

See the associated question 'The myth of listening and good vibes'.'

The question 'What should one do to be a good person?' reveals what real kindness is.