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In what way are kindness and tolerance traps?

The demand for kindness is primarily used to avoid addressing the substance of an objection or criticism, in favor of a response based on form and social conventions. In other words, kindness is mostly a tool used by those whose access to power is based on favoritism and camaraderie. In practice, its most vocal advocates tend to present a charming front, while plotting intensely behind the scenes.

As for tolerance, it is generally used to justify the continuation of a practice that objective facts demand we revise. In this case as well, tolerance allows form to replace substance, usually by equating an objective fact with a belief or opinion.

Finally, note that whenever we listen to someone kindly, the content of their speech leaves a mark on us. Therefore, if we disagree but choose to listen until the end while remaining open, we contaminate our own cognitive and affective system. In the long run, our intuitions become less relevant and more socially conformist. This makes the second point 'Living in reality' in the question 'How to succeed in life?' more difficult. Stupidity is contagious; we must protect ourselves from it.

La seule forme de bienveillance qui a du sens est : aider l'autre à produire le meilleur de lui même dans la vie. Cela suppose aussi bien du soutien (attitude souvent assimilée à la bienveillance) que l'absence de complaisance (attitude souvent assimilée au contraire de la bienveillance).

La seule forme de tolérence qui a du sens est : accepter que l'autre fonctionne de manière non conforme à nos propres conventions sociales, quand le bien fondé de son attitude n'est pas invalidé par des faits objectifs.

Quotes

Cynthia Fleury, The End of Courage: “Adaptation strategies are inevitable and signs of maturity, but they are also, unfortunately, the surest path to the acceptance and legitimization of the unacceptable. The adaptation of some makes room for the abuses of others.”

Go deeper

See the related question: 'The Myth of Listening and a Good Atmosphere'.

The question 'What must one do to be a good person?' explains what genuine kindness really is.