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What is a good friend?
Friends from the game of alliances
A fake friend is someone with whom one maintains a relationship whose main objective is 'building a network'. Fake friends are very useful for achieving success in life, and are characterized by:
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willingness to exchange patronage, or to fight against others
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the bond is fragile, as it is motivated by self-interest and subject to shifts in alliances
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Characteristics of true friendship
In contrast, true friends correspond to the desire to succeed in life, and are characterized by:
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shared projects or common interests
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Conditions for a true friendship
Being able to maintain a true friendship does not come naturally; it requires:
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renouncing the presentation of a facade to the other that hides real intentions, or presents us in a more favorable light
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the ability to jointly resolve problems
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being able to establish a relationship unspoiled by social ambition, meaning that neither party seeks to be above the other
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The obstacles to true friendship are therefore:
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beliefs that keep the relationship in a straitjacket
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omnipotence or, even worse, not taking the other into account—meaning the inability to view the other as anything other than a resource to be exploited for one's own interests
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In fact, being able to maintain a true friendship more or less requires having implemented the personal work described in the answers to the questions 'What should one do to be a good person?' and 'How to succeed in life?'. In the absence of favorable circumstances, it is difficult to be a better friend than one is a good individual.
In contrast, when individuals have become capable of true friendship, nothing prevents a relationship from beginning with the goal of building a network, and as they recognize and appreciate each other, this relationship can gradually evolve into a true friendship through the choice to reveal what lies behind the facade.
Benefits of friendship
True friendship is the most refined form of social bond:
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it allows pleasure to be magnified through sharing. This can take the form of leisure activities such as sports or music, simple conversations, or even more simply, shared moments of everyday life, such as a meal.
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it is the best remedy for our sense of vulnerability in relation to a world over which we have very little control. Indeed, what we perceive as our strength in the face of adversity is actually our own strength, plus the strength that friends on whom we can truly count seem ready to bring.
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it also allows us to find within ourselves the strength to continue during moments of doubt, by telling ourselves that we are doing it 'for others' or 'to not disappoint others'. It may seem strange, but everyone can observe that it works.
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it finally enables flexible collaboration, unspoiled by notions of precedence or by each partner's constant evaluation of their own interest in this collaboration.
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Measuring friendship
The strength of a friendship is measured by how much one is willing to be disadvantaged solely to preserve the relationship, and not in an ostentatious display of the friendship's strength.
The nature and strength of friendship can therefore, unfortunately, only be reliably measured during difficult times, as has been observed everywhere throughout the centuries.
Conclusion
It is the answer one gives to the question 'How to succeed in life?' that largely determines the type of friendships one is capable of maintaining.
The downgraded, life-battered, by abandoning social ambition, thereby become more capable of true friendship, even before having undertaken personal work to rebuild themselves. However, it is not desirable to wait until one hits rock bottom to begin such an approach as proposed in the answer to the question 'How to succeed in life?'.
Quotes
Voltaire: 'Only good people have friends; the wicked have only accomplices; the interested have partners; the political have partisans; the royal have courtiers; yes, only beautiful people have friends.'
Further exploration
The question 'Can one be sincere?' addresses a related topic.
Supplement with the question 'What is a well-functioning family?'.
Refer to the question 'How to succeed in life?' to properly understand the fundamental difference between succeeding in life and achieving success in life.
Regarding fake friends, listen to the song There Were Not Many by Marcel Amont.
And regarding true friendship, listen to the song Jef by Jacques Brel.