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What is a good friend?
Friends produced by the game of alliances
A fake friend is someone with whom you maintain a relationship whose main objective is 'networking'. Fake friends are very useful for succeeding in life, and they are characterized by:
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willing to exchange co-option, or to fight against others
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the bond is fragile, because it's based on self-interest and subject to shifts in alliances
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Characteristics of a true friendship
In contrast, true friends correspond to the desire to succeed in one’s life, and they are characterized by:
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shared projects or interests
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Conditions for a true friendship
Being able to maintain a true friendship is not self-evident; it implies:
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giving up presenting a facade that hides one's true intentions or portrays oneself in a more favorable light
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the ability to resolve problems together
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being capable of establishing a relationship free of social ambition, i.e., in which no one seeks to be superior to the other
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The obstacles to true friendship are therefore:
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the beliefs that keep the relationship confined within rigid constraints
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omnipotence or the failure to take the other into account, i.e., the inability to see the other as anything more than a resource to be used for one’s own interests
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Indeed, being capable of maintaining a true friendship more or less implies having done the personal work described in the answers to the questions 'What must one do to become a good person?' and 'How to succeed in life?'. In the absence of favorable circumstances, it is difficult to be a better friend than one is a good person.On the other hand, when individuals become capable of true friendship, there is nothing to prevent a relationship from starting with a networking goal, and through mutual recognition and appreciation, it can gradually evolve into a true friendship, by choosing to reveal what lies behind the facade.
Benefits of friendship
True friendship is the most advanced form of social bonding:
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it allows for enhancing pleasure through sharing. This can take the form of hobbies such as sports or music, simple conversations, or even more simply, shared moments of everyday life, such as a meal.
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it is the best remedy to our feeling of vulnerability in the face of a world over which we have little control. Indeed, what we perceive as our strength in the face of adversity is in fact our own strength plus the strength we perceive our reliable friends to be willing to offer.
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it also allows one to find within themselves the strength to continue in times of doubt, by thinking that one is doing it 'for others', or 'so as not to disappoint others'. It's strange, but everyone can verify that this works.
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it finally allows for flexible cooperation, free from notions of precedence or constant mutual evaluation of the value of the collaboration.
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Measuring friendship
The strength of a friendship is measured by how much one is willing to be wronged solely to preserve the relationship, and not in an ostentatious assertion of its strength.The nature and strength of friendship can unfortunately only be reliably measured when one experiences difficult times, which has been observed everywhere throughout the centuries.
Conclusion
It is the answer one gives to the question 'How to succeed in life?' that largely determines the type of friendships one is capable of maintaining.Those who are socially declassed or worn down by life, by abandoning social ambition, become more capable of true friendship even before they start doing inner work to rebuild themselves. It is not, however, advisable to wait until you're at rock bottom to begin such a journey as the one suggested in response to the question 'How to succeed in life?'.
Quotes
Voltaire: « Only good people have friends; wicked people only have accomplices; self-interested people have partners; politically minded people have partisans; royal people have courtiers; yes, only beautiful people have friends. »
Go deeper
The question 'Can one be sincere?' deals with a related subject.
Complete with the question 'What is a well-functioning family?'.Refer to the question 'How to succeed in life?' to understand the fundamental difference between succeeding in life and succeeding at life.
Regarding fake friends, listen to the song Y'en avait pas beaucoup by Marcel Amont.And regarding true friendship, listen to the song Jef by Jacques Brel.