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What is a well-functioning family?
Preamble: Emotional happiness is being authentic and supportive oneself, and living surrounded by other authentic and supportive people. Being authentic is difficult, because it requires giving up your beliefs. Being united is difficult, because it requires giving up one's privileges.
A well-functioning family is a family in which you can be yourself:
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There is a mechanism for rational conflict resolution, based on facts, not dogmas or the social status of the protagonists.
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People are kind to each other.
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The exchanges are of the exchange of experience type.
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We feel supported, because we are aware of the deep difficulties that other members are facing, and vice versa.
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All these elements follow very largely from the first.
A well-functioning family also produces a virtuous ripple effect:
I want to give the best of myself to deserve the esteem of others.
What is a family that does not work well?
Conversely, here is what characterizes families that do not work:
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Some individuals attack others, either by pathology, or to protect the lie to themselves, or simply to ensure a higher social rank (this is one of the aspects of generalized nepotism) or advantages.
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Others are passive, in denial of problems.
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We hold roles, and we are asked to conform to them.
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Statutory authority is applied.
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There are family myths that we are asked not to question.
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We are alone in the face of our deep difficulties.
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Difficulty building a well-functioning family
The big difficulty is generally the lack of mature and adult individuals, that is to say:
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Able to implement problem solving outside of any formal framework.
This requires being able to look at the facts objectively, without being biased by lying to oneself (because of beliefs).
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Able to oppose other family members, not to improve their personal position, but to ensure the smooth functioning of the group.
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Deepen
There is a parallel between this question of family and the question 'What is a good friend?' Moving from a family that functions poorly to one that functions well amounts to changing the relationship between its members from 'friends products of the game of alliances', with just a little more solidity linked to blood ties, to 'a true friendship '.
Qu'est ce qu'un bon ami ?'. Passer d'une famille qui fonctionne mal à une famille qui fonctionne bien revient à changer la relation entre ses membres de 'copains produits du jeu des alliances', avec juste un peu plus de solidité liée aux liens du sang, à 'une véritable amitié'.
The safest method to do this seems to us for the moment to be to temporarily adopt a formalism for educational purposes to learn how to practice problem solving. See the question 'What to do in a family where lying is the rule?'Que faire dans une famille où le mensonge est la règle ?'
Consult the questions 'What is a good friend?', 'What is an adult?' and 'What is virtuous training?'.Qu'est ce qu'un bon ami ?', 'C'est quoi un adulte ?' et 'Qu'est ce que l'entraînement vertueux ?'.