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What is difficult to overcome in order to succeed in life?

The natural slope of ease

What is difficult is not to give up sincerity.

From childhood, we feel the pressure to be a good student, a “good” son, a “good” daughter. Later, be a “good” collaborator, a “good” collaborator, a “good” husband, a “good” wife, a “good” father, a “good” mother. Failure to respond to these injunctions exposes oneself to the risk of exclusion and social downgrading. In fact, when our natural behavior does not produce the expected result, due to lack of capacity or because our natural behavior is not aligned with social expectations, we are tempted by hyper-adaptation, which consists of no longer seeking only the maximum effect, to be able to satisfy social injunctions, at the price of accepting what seems absurd or unjust to us. This leads us to adopt a social mask, to pretend.

This is the easy way out, and this is the easiest way to achieve social success. However, we are generally not aware of the counterpart linked to the cognitive dissonance that this produces between our beliefs and our behaviors. Indeed, the absence of struggle leads us, under the pressure of this cognitive dissonance, to gradually incorporate, without our own free will, the beliefs and values u200bu200bof the social environment with which we were not initially in agreement. . So that the sincere part of us finds itself gradually relegated to the depths of the unconscious, and is no longer perceived as a simple existential malaise whose origin ceases to be clear.

The need to compensate and maintain this discomfort in the depths potentially results in 6 harmful consequences:

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This places us in a situation of dependence, like a drug addict, on ersatz happiness (consumption, leisure, travel, etc.) which have been imposed on us at the same time as the codes of our social environment.

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We feel the need to “display”, that is to say ostensibly show others this success, to in fact confirm to ourselves that this renunciation was the right choice.

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It becomes, for the same reasons, necessary for us to convince those close to us of the beliefs we have adopted, and to surround ourselves with people who share these same beliefs.

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We feel the need to display “values” to restore the damaged image of ourselves. These values u200bu200bare chosen in systems of thought largely disconnected from reality, or centered on ancillary subjects (small gestures), so as not to call into question the beliefs that we have accepted out of opportunism.

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We live in anxiety, because from deep within us a little channel constantly comes up which tells us that all this is artificial, and that our relationships with others are not sincere, therefore dependent on a situation which can turn around.

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Finally, what is most serious, we lose the ability to take into account facts that go against these beliefs, and therefore to help others, including those close to us, when this would require calling into question our fiction.

This is the Faustian pact. However, it should be noted that on the one hand the devil does not travel in person, so we are not aware of having signed, and on the other hand, the position we take in practice is generally neither an absolute yes, nor an absolute no, but an intermediate result of small successive renunciations. It is simply the economy of struggle, which we grant ourselves for ease and opportunism, which gradually translates - through the effect of cognitive dissonance - into the form of the trio dependence, mental confinement and irresponsibility.

The temptation of a good self-image through small gestures

As explained in the question 'Why are small gestures for the planet dangerous?', small gestures are a powerful tool for reconciling personal interest and good self-image at a low cost. However, this leads to lying to ourselves to rule out more serious and more involving solutions that may present themselves in the course of life, and therefore powerfully encourages us to gradually slide down the slope of pretending. The only thing that can prevent us from gradually sliding is to remain dissatisfied with the weakness of our action in view of the scale of collective problems.Pourquoi les petits gestes pour la planète sont-ils dangereux ?', les petits gestes sont un puissant outil pour concilier à moindre frais son intérêt personnel et la bonne image de soi. Cependant cela conduit à se mentir à soi même pour écarter les solutions plus sérieuses, et plus impliquantes, qui peuvent se présenter au cours de la vie, et donc nous incite puissamment à glisser progressivement sur la pente du faire semblant. La seule chose qui peut nous empêcher de glisser progressivement est de conserver l'insatisfaction face à la faiblesse notre action au regard de l'ampleur des problèmes collectifs.

Fight methodically

For those who choose to fight more intensely, to gradually get rid of diffuse discomfort, here are the difficult points that we recommend working on:

1.

Get rid of the beliefs anchored in us by habit.
Deconstruct the speeches that only hold on a facade.

Some examples :

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Girls are less important than boys.

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You are a failure, because not as bright as others in the family circle.

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Blacks are an inferior race.

2.

Learn to work methodically on problems.

3.

Becoming an adult means having the courage to face the group.

4.

Accept impermanence, and therefore fully live the present moment.impermanence, et donc vivre pleinement l'instant présent.

Adopt realistic models

Many books on spirituality take the Dalai Lama or Buddha as an example of an exemplary attitude. Buddhism, the law of silence to which we refer more broadly in the question 'What is an adult?' The good management of a life is to do the best with what one has received in terms of favorable circumstances and personal gifts.

Deepen

Point 1. explains the alternative title envisaged for this site at the level of the introduction: a little manual so as not to be fooled by the aces of rhetoric.

Regarding point 2, see the questions 'Why do humans reason massively wrong?' Pourquoi les humains raisonnent-ils massivement faux ?' et 'Quelles sont les conditions à réunir pour produire un raisonnement sérieux ?'.

Regarding point 3, see the question 'What is an adult?'C'est quoi un adulte ?'

Regarding point 4, see the question 'What is impermanence?'Qu'est ce que l'impermanence ?'

 

2022-09-05 20:34:38 u200bu200bJulie deconstructing herself

Plus que déconstruire les discours, c'est déconstruire les injonctions de la société que l'on a intégré malgré nous qui me semble important, il s'agirait de déconstruire en partie notre propre identité. Cela demande des moyens, accéder à l'information, du temps, le recours à des spécialistes, est-ce que la société ne devrait-elle pas prendre cela en charge?

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